F.R.E.S.H. News

THESE THINGS I’VE LEARNED FOR SURE

Patty Finley
By Patty Finley

I recently celebrated 23 years of continuous sobriety and in addition to being very grateful I also felt an unusual peace about my recovery and life in general. Upon examination I concluded that after many years of meetings, sponsors, setbacks, therapy and step work there are certain life and recovery lessons I have learned for sure. I can now say that my life is no longer like a house on sand but rather a house built on rock with the foundation being a relationship with a Higher Power.

My guess is that these lessons are different for each of us and the lessons come in different packages and at different times. But I can assure you if you have surrendered in any way to a recovery program, the lessons will come because being healed and made whole is the essence of recovery from addiction/co-addiction.
         
Which leads me to my lesson #1  WE DON’T KNO W WHAT WE DON’T KNOW  For many years I thought recovery from alcoholism and codependency was the extent of my story. But I discovered there were layers under the layers. It has been necessary for me to understand the meaning of addictions unique to my story and family history. It has taken every bit of my recovery to unravel the damage that preceded my first drink and my first attempt to love another human being. What I didn’t know was my own dark side or those unconscious wounds and scripts that would play out in my life.

#2  WHAT IS UNHEALED WILL BE REVEALED  Whenever a theme or a pattern keeps returning to my life with unwanted results it is a sure bet that there is something in my past that needs to be addressed. This is the spiritual axiom that AA refers to in the reading on the 10th step…”that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.” Wrong in this case being those unhealed wounds that unconsciously direct our actions. This is when it is often necessary to go the extra mile in the guise of therapy, spiritual direction, deeper step work or another 12 step program. It takes enormous courage and ultimate humility to continue to face the past and your part in it. But I also know that if God has guided, God has provided.

#3  THERE IS A SOLUTION  This of course is the title of the 2nd chapter of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. But these four words have worked almost as a prayer for me in my life and are a source of hope. This belief has given me a confidence to be in the world without fear because I know today that I have been given a personal GPS in the form of the steps, 12 step fellowship and a Higher Power. Not to say there isn’t often a time lag between the problem and solution, but there is a solution. I’ve always been a fan of the line, “don’t quit five minutes before the miracle” which is exactly what we do when we don’t believe in a solution.

#4  SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT GUARANTEE HAPPILY EVER AFTER  I am speaking here of matters of the heart. For me and others there is great disappointment in divorce following a marriage in recovery. But marriage like any other life is there for our ultimate healing, which may include an end to the partnership. What is important to realize is that the true partnership between you and your Higher Power is still intact even though your partner is gone. My most profound healing and transforming enlightenment followed a divorce in sobriety. I am a great fan of the spiritual aspects of baseball and one of my favorite movies is The Natural with Robert Redford and Glenn Close. There is a line that states, “I’m convinced that we have two lives, the one we learn with and the life we live after that.” And, that is precisely where I am today. I am living the life after my learning life and it was worth the wait.

#5  YOU DO KNOW WHAT YOU DO KNOW  I believe there comes a time in your journey when you are the combined experience of your hurts, your past, your sadness and disappointments fortified by your forged relationship with your Higher Power. I know the knocks I’ve taken along the way with every tear, bit of anger and lost hope, but I also know the miracles, the wisdom and faith that are the byproducts of the spiritual journey. No one can take my truth away from me nor the lessons learned. The Big Book refers to this as “the great reality within,” which of course is your understanding of God.

Finally, #6  CLAIM THE PRINCIPLES OF YOUR LIFE AND LIVE THEM FULLY  I once had a recovering brother-in-law who had many years of sobriety and he would say to me, “Patty, in recovery there are no rules…there are only principles.”  Before recovery I never lived a very principled life and suffered from Hollywood set syndrome…I looked good on the outside but there was nothing around back! This is not the case today. Recovery has given me principles that I can live by and that define who I want to be. My principles that give my life purpose and meaning are integrity, willingness, courage, faith, and honesty. Whenever life is hard or I find myself at a crossroads I can rely on one of these principles to set me on the right path.  There is another good book where is states, “we walk by faith, not by sight.” But, today our faith encompasses the knowledge of our entire journey, the lessons we’ve learned and the unwavering presence of a Higher Power. This kind of faith I’ve learned for sure.